


Stars Can’t Shine Without Darkness

by Teriahki_Pie



Category: SHINee
Genre: Depression, Devastating News, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspiration, Latest News, Mentioned Kim Jonghyun, Other, Pearlescent Green will forever shine, Producer Jonghyun, Rest In Peace Our Angel, SMEnt, Shawol - Freeform, Worried Idols, mental health, shinee ot5, singer jonghyun, the best vocalist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 17:46:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13059009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teriahki_Pie/pseuds/Teriahki_Pie
Summary: “Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.”A depressing news that made me want to speak my mind because I am so devastated. I want to pour my feelings here and say what I want to say.





	1. He Will Forever Remain In Our Hearts

To start with, I am a fan that has been very loyal to the groups that I love. I stan a few but I do not leave out the rest. It has been a journey for me in the kpop world, and Shinee was the one that brought me to that world. 

Ever since my sister introduced me to Shinee, which I am VERY VERY thankful of, I have loved kpop so bad. So bad that I am never updated to other international songs, only Kpop. I told myself that I don’t think I can leave the Kpop world. I don’t think I can leave and stop stanning my favorite idol groups. 

I remember the time that Shinee was the only group that I know. I watched their variety shows nonstop. I watched their DVD Concerts. And I saved a THOUSAND photos of the members, in which my mother scolded me because I am wasting storage in my phone. I watched and kept being updated until I met other groups as well, as I finally reached this year. My ultimate bias group is Super Junior, followed by Shinee, BTS, GOT7, and EXO. 

 

Skipping some part of my history in getting into Kpop, let’s get into the main topic.

 

[[[ Kim Jonghyun of Shinee has been confirmed dead ]]]

 

The moment I read this...my mind went absolutely blank. There are lots of things that went on my mind.

 

“What? Wait... is this true? No way.”

“No... this has to be a joke... it’s Christmas.. this is not real right?”

“No... no... this is... this is not right... no way...”

These words are what came out of my mouth and my sister (who, per se, is an ultimate fan of Jonghyun) stared at me questioningly.

I didn’t know how to fucking tell her. So before I tell her the news, I had to make sure first. I read articles from different sites and even went on social media. Twitter was bombarded with articles and fans’ tweets. When I read that it was true and was really confirmed, I stared at my sister. 

My eyes glistened with tears. It was a good thing we both stayed up and we were the only ones in the living room. Silence filled the room, I turned off the tv as my tears flowed down. My sister started to ask why. 

I said with a hoarse voice, “Sis... Shinee... He’s.. Your bias... Jong-Jonghyun... dead... He’s dead... Sis... Sis he’s dead...”  
I couldn’t speak anymore. I hung my head and wiped my overflowing tears. I feel so hurt for Jonghyun. I think he felt disappointed and unappreciated. He left a note to his sister that says “Tell everyone I did a good job”. That is enough proof to tell us that he does not feel appreciated much. He wants to be proud but I’m afraid he must have felt like what he is doing is not enough. 

I don’t like that. I hate it. He deserves a lot more. He worked hard enough and what he actually needs is a rest. Some people might not believe this, but I believe that he has been working on music nonstop to create music that will capture the people’s attention. Attention that will tell him that “you can now sleep for a whole day because it’s a success, you did it”.

 

I feel devastated until now. I cried until I cannot cry anymore. My sister cried more than me. My sister also has depression. She knows what Jonghyun felt. Jonghyun was also depressed. 

 

Because guys, I almost lost my sister once too at Christmas time. Just 3 days before Christmas, last year, my sister attempted suicide. She swallowed 30 pills (pain reliever pills). We had to take her to the hospital to get diagnosed. I was the one who stayed, along with my sister’s boyfriend, in the hospital. Believe me when I say, I did not sleep for the whole three days because I had to stay up whenever the nurse arrives and check and I have to also take care of my sister. Her boyfriend has to leave at the third day because it’s Christmas, he needs to go home, so I let him sleep on the second day so that he can drive safely the other day. So yeah... fortunately, she lived, and after that, she does not want to kill herself ever again.

You see people, mental health is a serious issue. For a moment there, some fans reported that there could be hope that Jonghyun might live. I wished and hoped so much because if he lives, he could be like my sister. He might not do that again. But ... sadly... *sigh*

I feel like a bullet just went straight through my heart. I can’t even stop worrying about the other members too. I am also concerned about the other idols that also have depression. Honestly, for me, SM should start opening their eyes and take care of their idols. Not just SM though, the other agencies as well. I want to leave the agencies out of this but let’s be open and honest here, agencies also have a contribution to some of the idols’ suffering too.

 

Anyway... Fellow Shawols. Let’s take a break in silence for a while. I thank the other fandoms for respecting Shinee and Jonghyun. I really appreciate the love, prayers, and concern. Let’s keep Jonghyun in our hearts and never forget him. He is our shining gem, our angel, our inspiration, and our idol. 

 

Those who have depression, please look for people who you think will listen to your problems and will be a big help to you. You must voice out what you’re feeling, don’t conceal it. Let it go. If the help you are receiving does not seem like it’s helping you much, try to find another. I advice going to psychologists (not psychiatrists) and do not ever accept a treatment that advices you to take so much pills. Sleeping pills is okay but to avoid risk, I advice not to take it. My sister is receiving treatment until now and her psychologist never recommended her any pills and she is healing just fine right now. 

 

Everyone please, take care and love yourselves. What you think of yourself is much more important than what people think of you. You are important. You are appreciated. There are so many people loving you. Don’t give up. Fight and keep moving forward. Let’s love one another and always stand up.

 


	2. To The Angel Who Left This World

Our lifestyles are merely a reflection,  
a mirror to our soul  
Filled with many mountains  
that shadow some of life's holes

 

There are many paths to choose from,  
yet direction hard to find.  
We all have reached at least one crossroad,  
troubled to make up our mind

 

As we set out on life's journey,  
lets not lose focus on our goals  
Because the most important part of our journey,  
is to never lose sight of the road.

 

If we are fortunate,  
we are given a warning.

 

If not,  
there is only the sudden horror,  
the wrench of being torn apart;  
of being reminded  
that nothing is permanent,  
not even the ones we love,  
the ones our lives revolve around.

 

Life is a fragile affair.  
We are all dancing  
on the edge of a precipice,  
a dizzying cliff so high  
we can't see the bottom.

 

One by one,  
we lose those we love most  
into the dark ravine.

 

So we must cherish them  
without reservation.  
Now.  
Today.  
This minute.  
We will lose them  
or they will lose us  
someday.  
This is certain.  
There is no time for bickering.  
And their loss  
will leave a great pit in our hearts;  
a pit we struggle to avoid  
during the day  
and fall into at night.

 

Some,  
unable to accept this loss,  
unable to determine  
the worth of life without them,  
jump into that black pit  
spiritually or physically,  
hoping to find them there.

 

And some survive  
the shock,  
the denial,  
the horror,  
the bargaining,  
the barren, empty aching,  
the unanswered prayers,  
the sleepless nights  
when their breath is crushed  
under the weight of silence  
and all that it means.

 

Somehow, some survive all that and,  
like a flower opening after a storm,  
they slowly begin to remember  
the one they lost  
in a different way...

 

The laughter,  
the irrepressible spirit,  
the generous heart,  
the way their smile made them feel,  
the encouragement they gave  
even as their own dreams were dying.

 

And in time, they fill the pit  
with other memories  
the only memories that really matter.

 

We will still cry.  
We will always cry.  
But with loving reflection  
more than hopeless longing.

 

And that is how we survive.  
That is how the story should end.  
That is how they would want it to be.

 

Even though he's gone  
his memory still remains in our hearts.  
His smile and face will never fade.

 

We think of him as we go on each day.  
The good times we remember  
and the days spent with laughter  
will be in our memories forever.

 

So when you start to get down  
and you really want to cry  
just think of the fun times  
and don't wonder why.

 

Just leave it at that  
and know he's better now.  
He's in a better place.  
His heart was right with God.

 

So Jonghyun, we love you  
and we miss you so much  
but we know you're much happier.  
So rest well and we will see you again someday.

**Author's Note:**

> Wishing you all a safe journey to the future. Lots of love. Merry Christmas to all of you!


End file.
